July 16, 2012

In Response

I hope you'll bear with me. I have been thinking of blogging a bit of a look into my inner-me. And as I read one of my favorite blogs just now I found myself wanting to say more than should be said in a comment. So for those who wish to know what I'm responding to, it can be found HERE.
So I don't wear glasses, but have had problems with my eyes my whole life.
(This is going to be a bit of a rant, so I don't mind if you don't want to read this.)
I've had different ways to cope with this my whole life. Sometimes they act mostly like regular eyes with just a bit of pain in the background. Other times I can't see for hours. Most the time I've wanted just some kind of eyes that didn't have to hurt, but  sometimes like today I'm just grateful for eyes that can see the great details of life.
Now I don't know if you'll understand this jump, but it makes sense to me......
I am a realist. Some people call me a pessimist, others an optimist. But in my self of selves I am a realist. I try to see things as they are, in all their truth and just rely on that. I believe that if you trust the truth and do your part God will do His part because greatest of all truths is that He does care, and He is there.
I don't believe in God because I was told to, I believe in God because that is the only logical explanation to life. He is there.
Now back to my eyes. They hurt, all the time, but most the time I can see. Sometimes I can't. But light, light is a tricky one. Light hurts, ALWAYS. Its bearable, its part of life. I'm not wanting to get rid of it. It just hurts.
(Something else you should know, symbolism means A LOT to me.)
I get it (though I had a hard time seeing it for a while) when they call Christ the light of the world. You know, light hurts, why would I want that? But its with light that things are more easily seen, its with light that most people find confidence. Because I have spent a lot of time avoiding light, for a good portion of my life I have try to make sure that anything that was important to do I could do without seeing. I still think its an important skill. (Unfortunately I'm no Daredevil or even blind person I don't have heightened senses, just pay attention.)
(I know I'm rambling.)
So my favorite color is actually Black (second is white). I LOVE the dark. The song "Music of the Night" speaks directly to my soul. I get it. And I find that its in those dark times of life that people find out truth, especially about themselves. And that is EXTREMELY important to me. I LOVE black, I LOVE darkness, and I LOVE understanding things. I feel that that is easiest in the dark.
But I realize that is the opposite of how most people think of it. I realize that most people just realize that confidence that is renewed in light. But I appreciate the confidence you can find in yourself while in the dark, I think that is the moment you find the true you & decide whether or not you can accept the true you and where you find a way to change yourself if you choose not to accept yourself.
I truly believe that in the darkness you turn to God & if you WANT to change you can and will.
I don't know if this makes sense, but it's crystal clear in my head and heart. So I believe in the light, and I love the dark. And I am grateful for both. Opposition is a good thing. :D


  1. I love you, Mary, and I miss you. I enjoyed your forthrightness and remembered that one time you told me about your eyes and how I never really thought about it again. Sorry my memory's so bad... Anyways, I'm glad you let us readers see more into your world

  2. ummmmm.... you lost me.... but I love you none the less and you know it. -Karen