Last December I had the pleasure of being in a Christmas choir. The beautiful woman (we'll call her Star because its an abbreviation of her name) directed it & just taught me a lot. I have admired, loved, and respected her for years before this. After this we became good friends. But in the midst of this my body was kind of freaking out & trying to convince its-self that it was pregnant. This was VERY hard on us. We wanted it so bad, but didn't know if we could trust it & were worried about the symptoms I was having if I wasn't pregnant. Eventually we had an ultrasound (after a positive pregnancy test, but negative blood test) and I was not pregnant....... (obviously since its a year later & I still have only one angelic LittleOne). It was hard. I went to choir practice that night just to drop something off, and they were practicing "Lead Kindly Light" for Stake Conference (that we sang at right before the Christmas concert). Things were too hard that night, and My BetterHalf & I needed to be together, I went home right after dropping my thing off.
But I have loved "Lead Kindly Light" my whole life, I decided when I was rather young to try & live my life by its lyrics. But earlier that same day after coming from the ultrasound crushed, I couldn't do it. I couldn't even sing the song & thinking the lyrics made me bawl. But being in that choir I got to the point where I could accept that that just wasn't the right timing. And I could sing & performed that song with gusto. I know without a doubt, though I can't explain it publicly, that one day I will have another daughter & I have decided (with my BetterHalf's agreement) that her from birth nickname is "Star". Partially for a song a sang in that choir that lead me through, partially after my older brother who has the from birth nickname of "Guiding Star" , partially after Star herself because of all she gives for others even when she has no more to give, and partially because she is the star I am looking at to help me find my way to the Son, when I feel lost.